Boy did I get carried away…
Posted by Rebecca on June 24, 2008
I just wanted to let everybody know (I doubt I have any serious followers, but I can see that certain random people have already found my site in it’s short 2 day existence) that this will be my last post. I’m giving up on the idea of a wedding weblog.
It was stupid to begin with – I know.
Hell! I’m not even technically engaged… So here I am feeling like a dumb ass. I have no ring on my finger and it’s a secret we can’t tell anyone. That’s not the kind of engagement I want (and not the type of marriage I want either). I love him, but this is so jacked up…
The day/week a girl gets engaged is supposed to be one of the happiest times in her life or so I would expect. Mine passed by uneventfully. I wanted to scream several times at the top of my lungs about how happy I was, but instead I had to keep it hush hush like I was embarrassed of it.
I guess I live in a fairytale world. I WANT that fairytale though. I want the bended-knee proposal. (I was proposed to in a car in the parking lot of WalMart… Romantic, right?) I want the well thought about, planned for months, “gee; this is perfect”, “exactly what she wants”, “totally her style” ring. (I was at the store while he got it – awkward… It’s in yellow gold when all I wear is white gold – I have to wear this thing for the rest of my life… And it cost about 1/4 of his PS3 – gee I feel special. Also the silly thing doesn’t even fit on my finger. He knows my ring size – I would have rather him hold on to it and do it proper… I guess I expect too much.) Maybe I am a spoiled brat. Maybe I read too much. I have just always heard that the proposal was supposed to be about the girl. Heaven forbid if the guy has to care a little or think a little…
From The Knot, “Her Proposal Wish List”:
Surprise her.
Since your girlfriend probably has her own dream proposal ideas, you may be tempted to ask her for guidance on how to pop the question. Don’t do it. Keep your plans under wraps — she’d much prefer that you come up with a plan, any plan, than ask for her input. The surprise factor is key. Even if you went ring shopping together, or if she’s suspicious that a proposal is imminent, your lady wants to be caught off guard when you get down on one knee. A whopping 90 percent of women say they do not want to be involved in the planning of their engagements (after all, they need to save up all their planning energies for the year of wedding prep that awaits), and only 4 percent dismissed the “surprise factor” as unimportant.
Pick the right location.
The spot you choose for the special moment can make or break the mood, and if you think that having a waiter bury the ring in a gooey dessert is a good idea, listen up. More than half of women we surveyed would not want to be proposed to in a restaurant. (As for the dessert thing: Diamonds really have been swallowed, and it isn’t worth the trip to the ER!) The top three spots our girls said they’d prefer: On vacation, at the site of your first date, or at a local landmark. Home was a close runner-up, but somebody else’s home (your parents’, a friend’s) was deemed a bad idea. And although this should hopefully go without saying, the majority of women wouldn’t want to be proposed to at a sports stadium (a tip-off that your girlfriend is one of the 11 percent who would: She cherishes her collection of team jerseys more than any handbag).
Ask her about engagement rings.
Yes, the surprise factor is huge, but not when it comes to the ring. 24 percent of Knotties admitted to going ring shopping together and then letting him make the final choice. You too can suss out her cut, carat, and color preferences by browsing jewelry stores together or by asking one of her close friends what style of finger candy she might prefer. If you gather this insider information, you’ll be among the majority: More than 80 percent of engaged women said that their fiances got at least a little input from them or one of their friends or family members before purchasing the ring.
Size doesn’t matter…that much.
Although few women would object to having a massive rock sparkle on their fourth fingers (don’t believe her if she says, “It’s too big!”), you might be surprised to know that quality is equally or more important than carats to the majority of women. So don’t sacrifice clarity and color in order to afford a mega-sized stone — only 7 percent of women said they’d prefer a big ring over a more beautiful small one.
Slip something on her finger.
It takes a lot of, um, confidence to choose an engagement ring with no guidance from your hoped-for fiance, but if you’re not feeling bold enough to buy one on your own, that doesn’t mean you can propose empty-handed. “Proposing with no ring” was first in our survey as the biggest engagement mistake a guy can make. What also made the cut: proposing with a placeholder ring. She wants to show off her brand new ring right away — not have to explain to everyone that the real one is on its way.
Ask dad (and mom!) for her hand.
Since she’s a modern woman who makes her own decisions, you might think you can skip asking her father for permission to propose — but you’d be wrong to ignore this old-fashioned tradition. Only 19 percent of women said that a guy should bypass this step in the betrothal process; the rest think that it’s absolutely essential or at least a nice gesture that would score points with their parents (and 22 percent specified that an aspiring son-in-law should ask the moms as well).
Say the words, “Will you marry me?”
Yes, you’ll be nervous, but don’t forget to get on bended knee and use the right lingo. Nearly 90 percent of women said they want their future grooms to put their kneecap to the ground as they ask the question. And no matter what you say — even if you’ve written her an epic poem or composed a rock ballad in her honor — it’s essential that you finish with the precise words: “Will you marry me?” If you’ve paid attention to our proposal pointers, you’re certain to get the answer you’re hoping for (plus a passionate display that your proposal passed muster).
– Celeste Perron
From Brides.com:
HOW TO PROPOSE: A GROOM’S GUIDE
Think about her
As tempting as it may be to ask for her hand at half time, remember: This moment will be a trillion times more important to her than it could ever be for you—and will be retold by her again and again—so consider what she would truly like. Think back. She has probably dropped a hint or two along the way and will appreciate any effort you make to personalize the proposal in a way that says, “Yes, I’ve been paying attention … I totally get you.”
Timing is everything
Just as important as how you pop the question can be when you do it. If your fiancée has always had her heart set on October nuptials, you’ll want to ask her about 18 month in advance. A proposal on Valentine’s Day, while an ultraromantic day of the year, leaves you a little over seven months to plan a fall wedding—not much time.
Public or private proposal?
Asking her to marry you at a family gathering or televised event can be exhilarating and special. But unless you are absolutely sure she will be thrilled, think twice about this option. It’s for guys who know the answer before they ask and not for those secretly hoping she won’t be able to say no with an audience. Are you confident she’s game? Consider an Engagement on Ice and propose to your sweetie at Rockefeller Center’s legendary ice rink in N.Y.C.
Don’t be afraid to keep it simple
Some guys form elaborate plans involving props like white horses, strolling violinists or billboards. Big proposals are impressive, but heartfelt declarations of enduring love will win her over every time, even if they take place spontaneously and without fanfare. Just remember, the more elaborate the plan, the greater opportunity for it to malfunction.
Pick the spot
Think of places with meaning for the two of you: your first-date restaurant, the park where you met, even in the empty rooms of your new home. Or plan a destination proposal while vacationing in the south of France or the Caribbean. Popping the question in a place you can visit each year on your wedding anniversary also adds a special touch.
Make a plan
Intending to fall to one knee in a romantic restaurant? Make reservations and explain your plan, so that the staff will be super attentive. Choosing to surprise her at her favorite art museum? Ask a friend to chill a bottle of champagne and put out glasses and some flowers for your arrival home afterward.
Should you ask permission?
That depends on you and your girlfriend. While some women think this is a completely charming tradition, others will be appalled that you would ask her father’s or a family member’s “permission” for her hand (note: asking their “blessing” is often a more amenable approach and less problematic should a parent object). On the other hand, most parents adore this tradition because it clues them in that you are about to pop the question and also shows your respect for them.
Think about the ring
Many a brave man has decided to forgo buying the ring until the question has been asked so his fiancée can pick out her ring. Considerate or cowardly? (We judge not.) But if you’re looking for a little insurance against disappointment, it is perfectly acceptable to take her “looking” for rings if you’ve been discussing marriage. If you’re flying solo on this one, using jewelry she already owns and wears—gold or silver, modern or antique—is a good indicator of the type of ring she may like. And many jewelers offer temporary settings you can borrow for the proposal and later swap for the ring of her dreams. For tips on buying a ring she’ll love, visit our Wedding Rings Essential Guide.
I don’t know… I guess I was just all-in-all let down by the whole thing. It wasn’t what it was cracked up to be – and that sucks! It’s just another check on the list that tells me I’m not important… which is actually the reason I started typing today.
I’ve come to realize that I’m not important (this is not a new issue btw; it’s one we fought about/disagreed about/discussed to great lengths all through our relationship). I’m only important when it’s convenient or when he has nothing better to do. I was just thinking this morning that if I’m taking a backseat to all these things/people now, why do I think it will ever get better or that things will change once we’re married…?
Damn! Don’t you hate it when you realize you’re stupid…? Ugh!
I guess I just make a better “friend with benefits” than a girlfriend/fiancee…
Long distance relationships suck.
I’m out – Have a nice life everyone…!
